For many people, the holidays are not the most wonderful time of the year, and not the happiest season of all. The holidays can be a particularly difficult time for those who have lost a loved one. Smells, sights, and sounds can often bring with them a wave of sadness, loss, and emptiness that has perhaps subsided over time. Here are a few ideas for those grieving. Anticipate and think about what triggers may upset you and try to prepare yourself mentally for what is to come in the next few weeks. Plan ahead. Decide how you will spend your time. The holidays often revolve around friends and family. If you have lost someone close to you, there will most likely be a void during the holidays. At a time when others around you may be very excited and happy, you may be feeling anything but that. Allow yourself time alone to reflect and to cry if you feel the need to do so. The void in your life of not having that special person around during the holidays may be very painful. Consider making a donation in memory of your loved one to his or her favorite charity or organization as a way to honor your loved one. Don’t let others tell you what you should do on the holiday itself. Though they are well-meaning, they are not you. Everyone grieves differently. Grief is like a fingerprint; no two are alike. Despite what you may have heard, grief is not linear. Grief comes in cycles, like waves in the ocean. Give some purposeful thought as to how and with whom you want to spend your holiday time. Create a special tradition in memory of your loved one. Light a candle or purchase a decoration that you think your loved one would have liked, or one that reminds you of your loved one, and hang it in a place of honor. Practice self-care. Go for a walk with a friend who will listen, get plenty of sleep, and eat properly. Moderate exercise will make you feel better not only physically, but also mentally. Alcohol is a depressant, and while it may initially ease the pain and take some of the edge off your feelings, too much of it will most definitely make you feel even sadder and more depressed. Excessive amounts of caffeine and sugar can also affect how your body processes the stress of grief during the holidays. Be mindful of how much you are consuming. Realize that you will not be functioning at your usual energy level. You will likely feel fatigued. Be mindful of what your mind and body are telling you and lower your expectations of yourself during the holiday season. If you practice a particular religion, you may want to reach out to those in your community for support or look in your local paper for grief support groups in your area. Talking about your loss with others who have experienced what you are going through is often a source of comfort. Work toward living with the fond memories of your loved one and give yourself permission to celebrate and enjoy the holidays; your loved one would not want it any other way.
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3/1/2024 0 Comments How to Unplug So That You Can Recharge Self-care is more important now than ever before.Life can be stressful and challenging at the best of times, but now the country has reached a boiling point. Emotions are out of control. Fear, frustration, hurt, and anger are a normal part of our lives right now. The pandemic has turned our lives upside down. We are having to monitor ourselves and to use sanitizers, masks, and social distancing to prevent the virus from spreading. Businesses have been forced to close. Jobs have been lost, and we don’t know what the future holds. There are no real answers. Adding to that is the civil unrest going on around the country. Our lives have changed dramatically in ways that we could never have imagined. We are living in a time of uncertainty. Practicing self-care is critical. It’s essential to your overall health and well-being. Our electrical devices need to be recharged frequently; however, we seldom take time to recharge ourselves, which often results in burnout, a compromised immune system, and illness. Make it a point to slow down and take time for yourself. Go for a walk and get some fresh air. Exercise is beneficial for you, both physically and mentally. Listen to music or watch a movie to take your mind off things for a while. Read a good book or listen to one on audio. Take a break and a step back from the reality of what is going on. Engage in one of your favorite hobbies. Take a hot bath with lavender or Epsom salts, cook, or garden. Limit your exposure to the news. Take a break from watching, listening, or reading the news. Put down your phone. You can quickly become addicted to what is going on, overwhelmed, and upset, which will only add to your anger. It’s one thing to be informed; it’s another to spend all day watching and listening to the news. Limit your time on social media as well. Unplug. There is only so much that is in your control. Give your mind a rest. Make sure to get enough sleep. Sleep provides the brain and body with the opportunity to repair, restore, and rejuvenate. Seven to nine hours of sleep per night is recommended for optimal functioning. If you are having problems sleeping, try taking a hot bath before bedtime, listening to some relaxing music, and making sure the room is cool and dark. Eat healthy, well-balanced meals. Selfcare is not about binging on junk food. A healthy, nutrient-rich diet can help to reduce stress and anxiety, which can lead to anger. Avoid excessive amounts of caffeine, sugar, and alcohol. Self-care is also about being mindful of triggers. You can’t always control what happens to you, but what you can control how you react to it. Stay in the present; don’t worry about the future and things that are beyond your control that could make you angry. Noticing the surrounding sights and sounds will help you to stay present and in the moment. Take your emotional temperature throughout the day; monitor your feelings. If you feel yourself becoming frustrated or angry, try some grounding techniques such as taking slow, deep breaths, or paying specific attention to the sights and sounds around you. Meditation quiets the mind and reduces stress. Meditation is an extension of deep breathing in which your attention becomes focused and your mind becomes quiet. It can be done inside or outside, anywhere you can relax without interruption or distraction. The purpose of meditation is to stay in the moment, to stay in the present, which will bring your nervous system back into balance and produce a feeling of calmness 3/1/2024 0 Comments The Psychological and Physical Benefits of Having a Pet Pets can improve our health and well-being.Pets are an essential part of our psychological toolkit and a great source of comfort. The experience of spending time with an animal is beneficial in the context of your overall health and well-being. Petting, holding, or cuddling an animal increases the levels of serotonin and dopamine in our bodies, which are feel-good, calming brain chemicals. As a result of these positive chemical changes, our feelings of depression and loneliness may be reduced while our self-esteem and happiness may increase. Interacting with pets can serve to reduce your blood pressure, slow your heart rate, and decrease the level of the stress hormone cortisol in the body. High levels of cortisol can cause the buildup of plaque in the arteries of your heart; this can lead to a heart attack. Even just watching fish swimming around in an aquarium can be a calming and relaxing experience. Studies have shown that owning a pet may reduce the symptoms of depression, provide a sense of purpose, increase self-confidence, and provide comfort to their owners. Seniors who are depressed or lonely benefit greatly from having a pet to care for and love; it makes them feel needed, which promotes self-confidence and self-esteem. Pets also provide structure and routine to daily life because they require regular care and feeding. Our pets are a welcome sight when we return home following a long or stressful day. Dogs, especially, are palpably happy to see you when you’ve been away. Dog ownership is immensely therapeutic. A dog requires daily walks; this means that their owners, too, experience fresh air and exercise on a daily basis, thus lowering their risk of succumbing to heart disease. Dog walking also decreases the extent to which humans can isolate themselves. While out and about, walking our dogs, we encounter numerous opportunities to strike up conversations with people whom we might otherwise have never met. People often pass each other on the street without saying a word — but having a dog present is a natural conversation-starter. Some dogs can sense when you, their owner — their family — are sad or unhappy. They will often respond by nudging you with their paw or head — or they’ll simply sit by your side to let you know that they’re there. Children often prefer to confide their feelings to a pet rather than an adult. Law students who are anxious and stressed before exams have benefited significantly from visits to their schools by therapy dogs. Many law schools are now allowing therapy dogs onto their campuses to alleviate the pressure of exams among their students. Certified therapy dogs are brought in by their owners, and the students are allowed to pet the dogs and sit with them. The experience of doing so offers students a welcome diversion from their studies and eases their levels of stress, anxiety, and tension. Therapy dogs have, likewise, become part of children’s library reading programs and also provide comfort to people who are in or who work in nursing homes, hospitals, and funeral homes. Any animal can be a source of social support. Just having another living being whom you can talk to, hug, love — and who needs you — can alleviate feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression. Dogs and cats are great sources of comfort and companionship. However, if you are allergic to dogs or cats — or if you don’t want or are not in a position to be able to fulfill the commitment of owning one — then an aquarium is an excellent choice. Aquariums are inexpensive and are relatively low-maintenance. The sound of the filter can also be relaxing, as well as the experience of watching the fish while they swim. 3/1/2024 0 Comments Removing the Stigma Associated With Mental Illness People should not feel ashamed to seek treatment for mental health.There still seems to be a stigma associated with mental illness. According to Webster’s Dictionary, a stigma is “a set of negative and often unfair beliefs that a society or group of people has about something.” We must remove the embarrassment and shame associated with mental illness that often leads to discrimination. Why is a stigma attached to psychological illness, but not physical disease? We don’t discriminate or feel the need for secrecy regarding someone with diabetes, heart disease, or cancer. Yet those with a psychological illness often feel ashamed and feel the need for secrecy. People are generally not reluctant to admit they have liver disease, pneumonia, or high blood pressure, but many are reluctant to admit they have a psychological illness. We should not define people by their illnesses, whether physical or psychological. When we say we have appendicitis, cancer, or high blood pressure, that does not define who we are; we are much more than that. We tend to use the verb "to be" when referring to a psychological illness; for example, “she is bipolar” or “he is schizophrenic.” Instead, we should use the verb "to have"; for example, “she has bipolar disorder” or “he has schizophrenia.” The difference is significant and important. We often hear someone say, “Diabetes runs in our family” or “We have a history of heart disease in our family,” but rarely does anyone say that a psychological illness runs in their family. Our family tree can give us an unhealthy body, but it can also give us an unhealthy mind. We can be very accepting of the genetic cards we are dealt with in regard to ailments such as cancer, heart disease, and diabetes, yet not when it comes to substance abuse, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or other psychological illnesses. We should not be ashamed of a genetic predisposition to mental illness, nor should there be a stigma attached to it. We would not categorize or stereotype someone with diabetes negatively, but we tend to do so when someone has a psychological illness such as depression. In both cases, there is a malfunction or chemical imbalance inside the body. Therefore, we must change the way we perceive mental illness. Rather than look at it as a defect or weakness, we need to reframe our thoughts. We would not think less of someone with heart disease or cancer, yet we place a stigma on those with psychological illness. Those who experience mental illness are experiencing an organ malfunction, just like someone with a physical illness. A patient with Type 1 diabetes does not produce enough insulin and has no control over this. We cannot control how our brain functions any more than we can control how our liver or pancreas functions. So, when our brain malfunctions, we should seek professional treatment, just as we would if our other organs were not working correctly. |
Louise B. Miller, Ph. D.
Rancho Mirage, CA |
My goal is to destigmatize psychological illness and promote mental health treatment. Integrative Therapy's holistic approach, acknowledges the mind-body connection, and is a powerful tool in fostering overall well-being. By recognizing and addressing the interconnectedness of mental and physical health, individuals can access more comprehensive and effective care.
I am available for speaking engagements to further spread awareness and education about mental health and to not only reduce the stigma but also empower others to prioritize their mental well-being and seek the support they need. Call 424.644.4688 |